Comments on: Busy – tired – Buzy – tired http://www.hayesc.com/blog/2007/01/busy-tired-buzy-tired/ *sip* Thu, 03 Jun 2010 08:12:13 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 By: Kim http://www.hayesc.com/blog/2007/01/busy-tired-buzy-tired/comment-page-1/#comment-744 Kim Fri, 02 Feb 2007 19:09:42 +0000 http://www.hayesc.com/blog/?p=335#comment-744 "Do it yourself wedding" -- that's a book title if I ever heard one. As I read your comment I found myself thinking that weddings <i>should</i> be do-it-yourself. That is to say, the details of getting married shouldn't be something we hand of to strangers so that they can 'personalize' the event. How oxymoronic is that? Marriages are personal events, we invite our personal community to bear witness, and so it is right that day is created by those who love and know you. That the day will unfold in quirky, imperfect ways is a reflection of your unique relationship with John, your friends, and your family. I am reminded of movies like 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' and I think, yes, precicely. Weddings are not (ironicaly, given my reference to a movie) hollywood productions -- though the $50 Billion a year industry certainly has most brides acting otherwise. Weddings should not be elaborate spectacles of conspicuous consumption and unrealistic glamour. Love is not measured in dollars spent. Face it folks, we are not kings and queens. We are not fulfilling an obligation of state to demonstrate wealth and power in the public display of arranged unions. We are the peasants. Sure, we want the party to be fun, we want our guests to enjoy the food, the drinks, the flowers. But fun --community-- is what a wedding is about. Community is created by the act of coming together and creating something that is dependent on participation, on enagement. I've been reading about the principle of emergent properties recently, and this seems like as good an example as any. A crowd of people does not make a community. When we go to a restaurant, there's a crowd eating, drinking, making merry. But we're not engaged with each other. We're not a community. But have a wedding! Invite the community to bring the food, the music, the laughter. This isn't to say there shouldn't be a caterer or florist. The community, as it were, can't take a week off work to help you prepare all the food, all the flowers, all the decorations. So you hire some specialists to come in and take care of some of the details that help make the day festive. But how much better and personal the day will be now that you've invited us to participate. We won't make the meal, but we'll make the cake for you, and that, my beloved friend, is not cheap. “Do it yourself wedding” — that’s a book title if I ever heard one. As I read your comment I found myself thinking that weddings should be do-it-yourself. That is to say, the details of getting married shouldn’t be something we hand of to strangers so that they can ‘personalize’ the event. How oxymoronic is that? Marriages are personal events, we invite our personal community to bear witness, and so it is right that day is created by those who love and know you. That the day will unfold in quirky, imperfect ways is a reflection of your unique relationship with John, your friends, and your family.

I am reminded of movies like ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ and I think, yes, precicely. Weddings are not (ironicaly, given my reference to a movie) hollywood productions — though the $50 Billion a year industry certainly has most brides acting otherwise. Weddings should not be elaborate spectacles of conspicuous consumption and unrealistic glamour. Love is not measured in dollars spent. Face it folks, we are not kings and queens. We are not fulfilling an obligation of state to demonstrate wealth and power in the public display of arranged unions.

We are the peasants. Sure, we want the party to be fun, we want our guests to enjoy the food, the drinks, the flowers. But fun –community– is what a wedding is about. Community is created by the act of coming together and creating something that is dependent on participation, on enagement.

I’ve been reading about the principle of emergent properties recently, and this seems like as good an example as any. A crowd of people does not make a community. When we go to a restaurant, there’s a crowd eating, drinking, making merry. But we’re not engaged with each other. We’re not a community.

But have a wedding! Invite the community to bring the food, the music, the laughter. This isn’t to say there shouldn’t be a caterer or florist. The community, as it were, can’t take a week off work to help you prepare all the food, all the flowers, all the decorations. So you hire some specialists to come in and take care of some of the details that help make the day festive. But how much better and personal the day will be now that you’ve invited us to participate. We won’t make the meal, but we’ll make the cake for you, and that, my beloved friend, is not cheap.

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