One of the side effects of going to the bridal shows is lots of telemarketers. I used my home phone on anything that needs filling out (registration etc) and pretty much never answer that phone. They rarely leave messages and usually call around 6. One person had been very persistent and called a lot in the past 3 months.

I finally answer the phone, it was a timeshare spiel. They offered us comped parking at Fisherman’s Wharf, gas $ to drive down and a free 4 day cruise. The catch? Sit through a 90 minute timeshare presentation, of course. And although I crack comments about the timeshare “program” I had never actually been to a presentation.

So John and I decided to check it out. We were going to go down for the morning and be back up in Sonoma and join some friends in the afternoon. But that was canceled, so we had the whole day in SF.

Jim and Ann Marie joined us, they are getting married in July and I told them about the “presentation”. Ann Marie called and she got the same information/offer. This gave us a day together in SF. Nice. We arrived promptly at 11:00 am. The first thing that hit me was this place is smooth and well organized. (Name blurred on photo) You walk in, they take your invitation and then want verification that you are who you say you are via a drivers license (that makes sense) and then a valid credit card. It can’t be a ATM and must be a major credit card. That drew up my spidey senses but they didn’t want the number or anything just proof you have credit. They also have a place for the kids to play and wait for their parents.

I filled out a basic form, name, address and income. Then we sat in the waiting room and slowly people are called. I left John alone for a few minutes while I waited for Jim and Ann Marie. Because John isn’t living with me, we were going based on just my name/income etc but they still wanted his income information as well. That bumped us up a bit more in their range increments and I am pretty sure they got excited, at least by the drool the receptionist had to wipe off.

So just as J & AM arrive, our name is called. We met Jane*, a very nice woman who has been selling “investment opportunities” for six months. She took us to a large room with a fantastic view of the bay. There are about 20 small tables each with a touch screen running a windows application (yes there was system malfunctions) . Each table is filled with couples for the presentation. I don’t think I saw any single people there. She started with trying to figure out what John and I look for in vacations and tailoring it with what they have to offer. She grew a little uncomfortable when she asked on a scale of one to ten, how much do you want things. We both asked, almost in the same breath, you mean want or need? Then we discussed the difference between want and need to each other. When the difference was ironed out to our satisfaction, we turned to her and shrugged and said 5 almost with a sense of ennui. We have a few needs but even less wants.

She then asked us how many nights we spend on vacation, the average cost and what we thought would be a adequate inflation rate. At that point John and I got into a small discussion about the current government poor handling of the economy and the counterpoint that the Fed determines the economy and not just the White House. We gave her a 6% inflation rate. She said she liked dealing with intellectuals. (whaaa?) After staring at us a little bit, she input all the information on the tempermental touch screen. The results of our answers what in the next 40 years we would spend over 1 million dollars on vacation, while if we use (insert name of Company) it would be only 750k. What a deal!

]The next 20 minutes or so was a showing of all the resorts available and how you could use other Vacation Investment Companies and therefore your options were doubled nay even tripled! When you buy from (Insert name of Company) you aren’t buying week 26 at this location, you are buying a certain amount of points that you can spend at their various resorts. She brought out yet another catalog with other places and explain the color system and how you reserve those places. It was detailed but not complicated. (Unless you have a red/green color deficiently, but I passed my will save and did not comment on that.)

Next step was a 15 minutes movie where you watched happy happy people who have bought plans. They are so much happier that you. After the movie we walked over to a hotel that was very nice. I was more interested in the history of the hotel, (hand-hewn beams that came from ships that docked in SF). Jane* thought that was strange but whatever. We walk back to the office and look at more charts. At one point she talked about service changes, if you want to change days or times. She wrote 2 days or less would cost $40 while 5 or more would cost $100. She was using the less or greater than symbols. But since it was 2 days or less, it should have been less than Or equal. So I added the little line under her brackets. she was a little quiet at that point then got right back on the timeshare horse. SF time shares are very much in demand and therefore there would be almost no problem exchanging that for anywhere we would like to go. She had a color coated bar graph that indicated that, it had to be true.

Everytime someone purchased a plan, they would pop a balloon. Having lived in seedy parts of Oakland, I wanted to dive under the table each time, but out of the 30-40 couples in the room, I only heard the balloon pop 3 times, and once was a current member who was upgrading. A few more pictures and charts and Jane* went to go get her boss.

Dick* was definitely a ‘manager’ , a little bit older than the rest of the people working there. He was all smiles when he brought out our plan. 43 thousand dollars, at a mere 745 dollars month (not including maintenance and membership fee) if we bought today. After today the price would be 68k. I looked at the numbers and basically told Dick* I don’t buy impulsively, let me have all the paperwork to go over and I will let you know. He let me know that it would cost more tomorrow and Jane* pipped in that they have secret shopper who make sure they don’t offer the same deal the next day. I said that was surprising, and its a shame because I don’t buy impulsively. (which is true, as those who know me will testify. All during this presentation John and I never once lied, misinformed or exaggerated). He turned to Jane* and said “Beat it” and she scurried away. This kinda pissed me off, but he didn’t seem to notice. Dick* tried his hard sell again, why would we NOT want a chance to build up equity. But he didn’t offer a lower priced package or any other options. This kinda surprised me, but looking back I think its because I never once changed my argument. I didn’t say we are saving up for a wedding, or we cant afford it or whatever, it was always I don’t buy impulsively. Dick* then countered that there is a 3 day refusal and I could buy it now and then reject it. I responded. I didn’t see the problem with letting me have the contracts to look over for a few days. He stared at me did and said he could tell we weren’t going to buy anything today and said Jane* would get us our free gifts and thanks for coming today (with gritted teeth) and he left. Time spent with Jane* 40 minutes. Time spent with Dick* five minutes. Look on his pissed off face – priceless.

We were alone for 5 minuets and I doodled some math figures to John to show him how much it would cost. Jane* came back seemed relatively okay. I told her I was irritated with how Dick* had treated her, she waved that off and asked again why we were not interested. My answer remained the same.

She then walked us over to the Loser Area^tm. This is where everyone who didn’t buy was sent. Same small round tables with the touch screen. I could see Dick* and Jane* staring at us. Other losers were being asked why they weren’t interested but no one came up and asked us. They even took *all* the paperwork I had, the little brochure, everything. So I brought out Flux and John and I played for 20 minutes. Every now and then I would look up and Dick* and Jane* were looking at us. We were told that we had to wait for J & AM. We could see J and AM from our table and they were nodding and talking. And I saw their sales manger walking up to them with a balloon. Noooooooo. I sent them a TM, but to no avail. At that point, we were told we could leave, given our fabulous prizes and shoved out the door. We went out to the entrance and waited for J&AM, 30 minutes later they were freed. And yes their balloon was popped. Actually their deal was a one time purchase for a certain amount of points. Dick* had never offered that, and when I mentioned that to Jim (a retail manager) he was pissed at the poor salesmanship. After that we had the rest of the day to enjoy fabulous Fisherman’s Wharf.

Strangely, they don’t use the actual word Time Share (it was an Vacation Ownership). * Names changed to protect the jerks.

UPDATE

I took a quick look on ebay. The package they were trying to sell me for 43k was being offered for 9k. No bids.

So having selected the caterer, she asked me if we had chosen the colors. She had sent me samples and I had picked out 2. I just had to confirm, so brought them to work to show babs, Julie and Paula. Babs noticed that I must like the colors, because I was wearing the same colors at that very moment. Paula then noticed they were the same two colors we use on the library website. I had subconsciously selected the same two colors! I must like them.

This is for Kim. She knows why.

So, since we had busy plans Saturday and Sunday, John and I did a lot of shopping late Friday night once he had arrived. Twilight33 had mentioned a few months ago framing something but waiting until Arron brothers had a 1 cent sale.  That little nugget stayed in my mind,  the sale was on this week.  We got two frames for the original comics strips from Devils Panties.  A very funny comic strip, I met the artist at Comic Con.  I bought the strip from her, and way cool she sent me everything before I had even sent her a dime.  How cool is that?  And yes,  I paid her.

Next step was Bed Bath and Beyond, where, yes we got registered.  John had fun with the scan gun.  But we only got through about 1/3 of the store.

SMOLT! started off with a bang this year, as the trivia team gathered at the Black Rose Tuesday January 2nd. Refreshed from our lovely holiday and mostly recovered from the end of the year celebrations, spirits were high and the energy of the crowd could not be denied!

SMOLT! team member Ross was a little apprehensive that the team across the bar (composed of his mother, father, 2 coworkers and 3 other peeps) would give SMOLT! a challenge. At the last trivia game they had defeated a few SMOLT!’s. The rest of the team assured him, that this was a full SMOLT! and we were up to the peril.

First two rounds, SMOLT! got 11, but the other team, Powder Hounds, got every answer right for a full 20! There were other teams playing but it was clear the line had been drawn in the sand was between SMOLT! and team Powder Hounds. We were a little concerned but continued.

Matching round, we got all 12 right! (Very unusual for us, SMOLT! usually, shall we say, “sucks” at the matching round.) Powder Hounds, a perfect 12. Picture round, Powder Hounds another perfect score. SMOLT! team member Ross kept looking over his shoulder at Powder Hounds team and muttering. Other team members were concerned over his well being.

Music round, SMOLT!s strength, 8 out of 10. SMOLT! team member Ross watched how Quizmaster corrects teams entries and gleefully chortles when he sees Powder Hounds gets two wrong. Then Quizmaster announces the scores, another perfect score for Powder Hounds. SMOLT! team member Ross appears to “lose” it.

SMOLT! team member Ross starts to comment on conspiracy’s and that “they are out to get him.” His proof is that his mother and father arrived before SMOLT! members and there was plenty of time to set this elaborate ruse. Other SMOLT! Team members attempt to tell SMOLT! team member Ross that he is perhaps a bit paranoid. One helpful SMOLT! Team member draws calming and peaceful pictures to indicate that perhaps SMOLT! team member Ross is, shall we say, kookoo.
Last round, the scores are read, as usual, lowest scores first. SMOLT! team member Ross is seen twitching and muttering. As the Quizmaster reads aloud the score, he stops and announced there has been an score keeping error. In all 7 rounds, he gave Powder Hounds a perfect score, when in fact their score was much lower and after adding up all the talley, SMOLT! WON!
SMOLT! team member Ross jumped up and started screaming at Powder Hounds, and Publician. That he knew it was a conspiracy. Powder Hounds, Publican and rest of bar laugh at SMOLT! team member Ross (but not full SMOLT! who were calm and collected). Bar then claps and applauds the clever ruse (and SMOLTS! victory no doubt)

One team, who had scribbled threatening words on the money when they thought Powder Hounds was achieving a perfect score, quickly retrieved that money and gave clean happy money because they felt no ill will towards SMOLT!